Perfectionism
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism is an experience that can shape how a person thinks, feels, and relates to themselves and the world around them. It often shows up as a strong drive to do things “right,” meet high standards, or avoid mistakes, alongside ongoing pressure, self-criticism, or fear of getting things wrong. Over time, this can feel exhausting and can make everyday decisions or tasks feel heavier than they need to be.
Perfectionism is often a protective response that developed in environments where approval, or connection felt conditional. Therapy offers a space to understand perfectionism with curiosity and care.
How might perfectionism feel or show up?
Perfectionism can look different for each person. You might notice:
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Hurtful self-talk or persistent self-doubt
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Feeling pressure to get things “just right” before starting or finishing
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Difficulty resting, slowing down, or feeling satisfied with your efforts
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Fear of making mistakes or being seen as inadequate
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Over-preparing, overthinking, or procrastinating
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Difficulty delegating or asking for help
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Feeling tense, on edge, or emotionally drained
These patterns can be isolating, especially when perfectionism has been present for a long time.
Why do people experience perfectionism?
Perfectionism often makes sense when viewed in context. It may develop in response to:
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Growing up with high expectations
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Learning that praise, safety, or acceptance depended on performance
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Biological and genetic factors
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Experiences of criticism, comparison, or being misunderstood
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Long-term stress, pressure, or responsibility
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Neurodivergent individuals navigating environments where mistakes felt costly or visibility felt unsafe
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Past experiences where being careful, capable, or “getting it right” was protective
How can therapy help?
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
CBT can help explore thinking patterns that maintain perfectionism, while working at a pace that honours emotional capacity.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
ACT supports loosening unhelpful rules around perfection while reconnecting with values and meaning, without pushing for control or certainty.
Schema Therapy (ST) helps you understand how perfectionism developed as a way of protecting yourself, and gently supports you to soften self criticism, build self compassion, and relate to yourself with more flexibility and ease.